You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
