This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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