if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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