I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
