In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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