I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
