i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
