I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
