He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
