It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
