I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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