I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize