her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
