we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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