I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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