I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
