Dude my mom stole all your condoms
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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