Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
