An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I FOUND THE LEGS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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