She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
