What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
