How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
