I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I faked an abortion last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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