wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize