Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize