I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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