i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need moral support for this bender
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
