I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
