I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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