Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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