and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
