i already hear my dad disowning me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
