Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
