Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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