I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
