i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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