I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
