i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
