I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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