matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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