Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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