Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
