Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
