I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
