she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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