fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
