Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
