Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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