I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
