guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize