i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
