i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
