clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
