You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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