We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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