i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
