Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
