I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize