Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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