I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
