last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
