I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize