dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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